Trigger Warning: Infertility
No one prepares you for suffering. You walk tirelessly through a dark, narrow tunnel and at the end, you find no light. You're out of breath. You've been vomiting sarcasm, "Stay faithful, really?"
If you've read my articles from last summer, you know I spent most of 2022 dealing with a complication from my c-section in 2019. You can read Part One here, if you'd like. I had a rude awakening with pain and I learned the depths of suffering pretty fast. There were countless nights where I felt like I was crying out prayers to an empty sky. I was frustrated for a long time...but God has now moved me into a season of healing. I thought I would share with you what I've learned.
1. suffering is not like the books you read in high school
In high school, I remember flipping through books that recounted mid life crises and hard seasons. I never read these "situations" carrying on for more than a couple months. It's deceiving. Suffering can exist for years and the after effects can be just as horrific as the pain.
2. removing emotions that were not my own
After my hysterectomy, I had a choice to make. I could continue in my suffering and walk heavy footed about never having a baby again or I could cut ties with my pain. When I checked in with myself, I learned I was actually feeling okay. Beat down sure, but I was healthy and ready to get back to the things I love.
One thing that was hard to walk through was knowing how I feel vs. how people on the internet feel when they share their experience. Directly after my surgery, it was hard to see which emotions were my own and which I had held onto from watching an a Instagram Reel. After separating the emotions I thought I was suppose to feel with the ones I was truly experiencing myself, I opened the door to healing.
3. suffering sparks bravery
It was a painful two years and God did not rid me of my pain quickly. I do know however, that if my experience did happen suddenly and I found out day one my c-section was the problem, I would not have been brave enough to make the right decisions for my body.
Jesus is good, despite the suffering we to endure. I was not happy about the countless ER visits and surgeries, but it pushed my family and I back to Nebraska near our families and to find a new doctor. After all that has happened, how would we have survived this hard season without our families' support? God was writing a plan for us, just not the one I wanted. I like this verse about suffering...
1 Peter 5:10
"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
This month marks a year from my hysterectomy last August. I can say now, I'm ready to circle back and heal from the many hard things we dealt with back to back. The things I couldn't let myself feel because there wasn't enough time. I have understood too, that I can begin to let myself heal, when I am ready to.
God has made it so clear for me. This is okay. You have been aching to travel again and continue working with hotels & tourism boards. This is who you are and wow, look, you made it back. Great job sweetheart.
Thanks for coming by guys. I hope if you are in a season of suffering right now, just do your best to hold on. Survive the day. Reach out to Jesus. Let Him carry you. Everything has an end.
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I'm not sure where the summer has gone, but I ain't gonna let go of this weather yet! This summer I did a poll on Instagram of what you guys wanted to see and you picked 'Lakes & Trails!' Am I surprised? No. So, I collected my favorite lakes and trails in Omaha and wrapped them up in a guide for ya. Let's jump into it!
Travel bucket list:
Countries visited: 5
states left: 11