I've been known to be a little TOO chill. In some cases it's great, because hey, flexibility is awesome. However, there are situations where my calm really looks like I just don't care. It's interesting though, how if you care too much you're dramatic and if you don't, you're not being realistic. This week I'd like to break down stressful seasons of life and just talk out loud about what things have really encouraged me...
If y'all haven't seen my social media lately, you might not know I'm pregnant. Yay! That being said, you could guess I'm stressed out about 100 different things. Although, that totally hasn't been the case until this week. I had a couple to-do lists and calendar reminders, but honestly, I felt kind of fearless about the whole thing.
This past year I've been working hard at letting things be what they are and just focusing on my main priorities. So, things have felt pretty smooth and achievable. That is until this week.
My dad owns a detasseling business and so every July has basically been a blur of corn. (For those who don't know, detasseling is pulling the top off of a corn stalk, so the male can pollinate the female.) This is his 41st year detasseling and this year feels crazier than ever. We have more fields to cover and my parents recently moved to Lincoln, making it a little more difficult to manage crews in our hometown.
While working on employee paper work for that, I've also been doing social media marketing for my friend's business. Then, in my free time, I've tried writing extra blog posts so I won't get super behind when the baby comes. Up to this point, things have felt pretty manageable.
As you can imagine, difficult things like to come all at once. I started a new class Monday and man, this syllabus was STACKED. I'm not sure five hours a week would've gotten all that homework done. Next, I called the apartment place I've grown to like a lot, to find out the only units available are $100 more than we originally thought. Plus, I'm trying to create a blogging course and there just doesn't seem to be any time for that.
LOL, these things are so tiny. Although, when you string about ten of them together, you feel like everything is falling apart. Today, I'm just so thankful for my devo time. I can write out every feeling or complaint and shove it aside. Yesterday my bible plan reminded me of a really great verse.
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.
Guys, I'm not sure how many times I've heard that verse or how many pillows it's on, but it hit home. It inspired me to ugly write for the rest of the morning and seriously leave those problems on paper. I scribbled down a prayer for every anxious thought and an idea for how to move forward.
On Sunday, I watched an Elevation sermon and the pastor talked a lot about how God + the devil use disappointments to rock our boat. He said it's what we do with these disappointments, that define us.
I really like that because I will forget the simplest things. It's hard to split up each problem and give it a moment. To present them to God one by one and say, "How can we fix these?"
I've learned that inserting words like "slowly" and "gradually" into my prayers, have really given me a chance to breathe. It's weird how forgetting to simplify, can make us feel embarrassed. I can't tell you how many times I've thought, "Seriously, how did you lose your chill?"
Recently, I noticed I should switch my thinking. These pivotal moments should be seen as GOOD, not bad. They show how I learned something once and need to follow the steps to do it again. When this happens, I need to address this to myself softly. "You're doing great, but is there a different way to break up the busy?"
It's hard to think that in these chaotic seasons, there is still chill inside of me. It doesn't leave, but I need to be more intentional about reaching for it. There's nothing embarrassing about teaching yourself something again. In fact, it's pretty courageous.
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